Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
