There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
