legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
