He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
