Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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