I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize