question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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