dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
