you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
