u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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