Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
