Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
