He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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