Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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