I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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