It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
