I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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