i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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