If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
