I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
