Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Rumble strips road head = magical
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
