someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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