Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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