You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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