Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
