I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
