Im at strip club and am horny
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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