Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
