Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
