ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Drunk is not a location!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
