I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
