You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
