He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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