Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize