the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
