This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
