I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
