First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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