You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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