my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
it glows. i had to have it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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