u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
