Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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