That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize