don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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