I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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