I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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