too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
