"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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