She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
