just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize