We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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