i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
