I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
