I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
