I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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