My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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