All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think people are normalizing furries
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
