I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
