Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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