when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
