Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
