I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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