Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
