the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
