I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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