Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Small penises have feelings too.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize