When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
