I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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