I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
