With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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