Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
