I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Randomize
