she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize