I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
