I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
