This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
