I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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