I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he was CRYING into my vagina
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
